Chapter Twenty Seven : 

The Trip Back /

The sun shone brightly in through the open window, waking me up. I remembered with dread all that I had gone through last night in order to fall asleep. Today seemed like a mountain too high to climb. But I had to; to help the jackrabbit family, and to get back home. All the horrifying sights from last night were gone, though, so I felt a little better. 

I got up to eat breakfast, looking over at Dolion who lay still with its eyes closed in the bed beside mine. I grew scared at its stillness that reminded me of my parents, until I reassured myself that it was okay - because it always was. I wondered if it saw me as weak compared to itself; I was alike to a flower while it was like a rock. I freaked out over small things that happened, but it would've been completely unbothered if the whole world had collapsed. 

Downstairs, I forced myself to eat breakfast, which consisted of alien fruits and some type of pastry. Like last night, the food wasn't bad at all; I just didn't have the stomach for it. I wondered how much more of this I could take...

I lounged around for the rest of the morning, and I slept through lunchtime and dinner. Dolion woke me, shortly before the sunset. "Are you ready to go back?" It asked me as I sat up in bed. "Yes, because I have to. I'm so tired and..." But I couldn't finish; I was already crying. "Hey," It consoled me. "Everything's gonna be okay. If you're that tired, we can wait until tomorrow. You're don't need to pressure yourself like this." 

"But I have to pressure myself just to wake up in the morning. Everything has become such a burden to me and I can't... Can't go on like this. Even the little things in everyday life are hard to do. It's not supposed to be that way. What am I gonna do?"

"I don't know if I have the right answer to that - but all that you're going through, you're not going through it alone. You have me, and I'll always be here. I can't make it all better, but I promise that I won't let it get worse." Its silver eyes searched my face. 

I couldn't talk, all I could do was nod my head. A feeling alike to a cloud or weighted blanket fell over me; absorbing into my skin like fallen rain. And I didn't feel anything anymore, no panic or stress or fear. But I also didn't feel happiness, or peace, or really any emotion. It was nothing, sucked away into a black hole. And one thought existed in my head: Go on.

"We need to leave," I said flatly. "While it's still dark out." 

We said goodbye to Queen Agni, and then Fenix and Dolion and I left. The creatures at the palace had packed us a few bags before we left, which I thanked them for. The next seven days went by like a blur; I was seeing it all without feeling it. I was a puppet; empty and controlled. Nothing drove me besides the regularly occuring thought "Go on." There was no motivation, no joy. I couldn't smile or laugh. 

We took breaks to sleep during the day, shaded by the desert trees. I wasn't worn out like before; I was too far gone for that now. 

When we reunited Fenix with his family, I watched them all hug and cry and smile. "Thank you," Fenix and his wife told me. "Of course," Was my reply. But it was just a scene; a portrait on a wall. It didn't feel real. 

The walk back through the woods was similar; I was a sheet of paper set on the concrete - I didn't mean anything. I was seeing the burnt forest through hollow eyes, and it reminded me of my parents, but I wasn't grieved at the thought. Getting home, I looked over at them, sitting on the sofa like they were dead. I couldn't find the care in me to walk over and check on them.

I went upstairs to my room, throwing my bag on the floor. I peered at myself in the mirror out of spite, to see that my skin was no longer "normal." My ridiculously pale skin was now clouding over with a faded grey coloration, starting from my face and advancing downwards to cover my entire body. And the strange purple hues that were there earlier were now gone; my eyes and nails a translucent black shade. My previously light colored hair, eyebrows and eyelashes were now the deepest black. I shuddered at the sight of myself, I didn't understand what had happened. My hands shook when I held them up to my face, tracing my altered features. 

And as I focused on everything that had happened since the world changed, I became angrier and angrier. I wasn't going to let some mirror determine how things were, or anything else for that matter. I was no longer going to be the fragile little me that I have always been, I wasn't going to let this mutated world destroy me. 

I punched the mirror, shattering it. I grabbed my lamp and alarm clock off my nightstand and threw them, and I flung everything off my shelves and across the room. I tore the curtains, sending the bright shimmering moonlight spilling into my room; the mess I had made glowing in the combination of chaos and rage. 

Dolion stood in my room doorway, staring blankly. "Are you okay?" It asked.

"Yeah," I said, glancing into the shattered mirror. Pieces of me stared back, pale skin and purple blazing eyes. My long white-blonde hair glimmered in the light, and my cheeks held a faint blush; the color of a rose. I was breathing hard and my knuckles were bleeding, but I was okay. Nothing was going to get the best of me, ever again. 

The worry and affection from before returned to me, and I walked over to Dolion. "Sorry," I mumbled as I wrapped my arms around its waist. "Sorry for what?" It inquired. 

"For how I've been. But I'm better now-"

"There's nothing wrong with how you've 'been.' You were just struggling, and that's all right." It ran its fingers through my hair. "Come on, lets get your hands cleaned up."